Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
