exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
