Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
