She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
