bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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