My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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