I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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