let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have post one night stand depression
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
