I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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