Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
