ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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