Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
