Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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