I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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