Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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