I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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