if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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