the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
