It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
