like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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