She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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