note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i drank out of a bidet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize