Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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