I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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