Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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