very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
