Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
