So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
