you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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