hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
