I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
smell my finger.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
