She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
