turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
