I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
