Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You can't special order awesome
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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