Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This house was built for laser tag.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
