Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
