Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
