I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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