That's when you crack a 10am beer
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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