I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
