I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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