party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
