Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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