chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
