I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
