Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
