...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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