apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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