dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I will pee on everything he values.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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