Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
