so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
