I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
