I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
