U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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