He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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