My room smells like vodka and shame
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
