I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
