I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
