I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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