no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
