Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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