I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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