Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize